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"When people shut down during conflict, it's usually because their heart rates have skyrocketed to over 100 beats per minute, which throws you into fight or flight response," she says.
"When that happens, you lose access to the part of your brain — the frontal lobe — that gives you communication skills.
"If long-standing issues remain unresolved, resentments will carry forward into the present day and future." According to Winter, getting professional help to get to the bottom of the issues the relationship becomes too weak to sustain itself might be your best bet.
And, of course showing a little love whenever possible: "Small, consistent gestures of kindness, praise, and appreciation have been shown to create the balm that heals past injuries," she said. That validation creates a circular resonance that fuels the relationship's love and harmony." obsession — is a red flag that, surprisingly, is pretty common, says Cole. "Women may fall into this habit if they're surrounded by people doing the same thing," she says.
After months of doing the dishes, laundry, taking the kids to school, and cleaning up after the dog with no "thank you," it can be easy to feel unappreciated — and resent your partner because of that.
"Each partner must feel that their contribution to the relationship is valuable, and valued by their partner," Winter says.
Doing so drives your partner away, explains Gehart, because it immediately shuts down the possibility of having a productive conversation. "Women are more likely to raise issues aggressively than men are," she says, and a study found that it's likely because men are usually able to quickly "calm down" and analyze a situation sans emotions, whereas women are more likely to go by how they .
We know it's way easier said than done, but if you tend to yell or use a harsh tone every time your husband grates your nerves, try to pull back — otherwise you could instigate his defense mechanisms, which halts his ability (or willingness) to talk openly and honestly.
Before you know it, your relationship is in a fast, downward spiral.Men inherently want to feel understood too (it ties into their need to feel respected by their partner), so both parties should try to walk in the others' shoes when working on a problem.RELATED: 11 Things Divorce Experts Wish You Knew Before You Got Married When you're having a chat with your husband and suddenly go from an emotional zero to sixty, that's not a good sign."Financial complications are legendary as the basis of fights between couples," says Susan Winter, a New York City-based relationship expert and dating coach No matter how great the sex and home life, extreme differences in financial goals and spending versus saving habits can erode even the healthiest of relationships." To make sure money doesn't become the reason for your divorce, Winter says couples need to strive to strike a balance between enjoying their day-to-day life together and also preserving their assets to have a comfortable future."A failure to come to common ground on issues of finance can create a total relationship collapse," she says.